Last Tuesday morning I was excited to open my e-mail anticipating further instructions for a women’s empowerment summit I was invited to do and had previously been a part of. I had talked with the host’s virtual assistant just the day before and was looking forward to the interview that we scheduled with her.
But when I read the e-mail, my heart sunk. The note said that my e-mail list size was too small to meet their requirements and for that reason I would no longer be included in the summit. I still struggle with the masculine business model that many in the industry use that puts ‘numbers’ over relationships or wisdom.
Tears filled my eyes and I felt the wind knocked out of me. It wasn’t just the disappointment I felt in the moment…it was the fear of lovelessness and worthlessness that came rushing up right behind it. Wow, I wasn’t expecting these feelings to come to the surface!
Having spent most of the past thirty-five years healing these wounds, it caught me by surprise. But the fear of rejection and exclusion weighed heavy on my heart. It was an old story that I thought I had healed.
When I feel fear, I know it’s time to sit with it and go deeper. Only this time, I knew I was too restless to sit so I walked with it. I also know to reach out to my soul team…so I texted my dear friend and Publisher Linda Joy. I knew that not only would she hold the energetic space for me to share, but she would help me release my fear so I could stay aligned in my truth.
So I took my fear on a walk in the woods with my dog Shiloh. And when my phone rang, it knew it was my Linda. Just hearing her voice of love helped me ground myself and allow my deeper feelings to emerge. For a moment, it felt like déjà vu. We had been here three years before when I first stepped through my fear and began working with her as a client, and later, as my publisher.
Here I was at another transformative crossroads and she was here with me supporting my divine path. As we talked, I began to recognize that these were just old “phantoms” of fear…not my inner truth.
Just as my heart opened in loving compassion, I looked up, paused on the path, and held on to Shiloh’s leash. There in front of me were two young male deer. As our eyes met, I stopped talking to my friend, took a deep breath, and became still. He didn’t stay long until he and his friend raced past me. Then they both stopped and walked slowly in front of me on the trail.
I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and asked, “Beautiful creature, what’s your message for me?” I know that once I ask a question of the spirit animal (in this case the deer), it’s important to pay attention to everything that happens following the encounter. I heard my inner voice say, “Don’t be afraid, follow your path,” which validated the message I had just received from my conversation with Linda. It was time for me to let go of my fear of worthlessness and step into service as a spiritual leader.
The two bucks continued to lead Shiloh and I on the path through the woods staying close, only a few steps ahead of us. All the while Shiloh never barked or lunged at them. We walked to the end of the trail in silence and our eyes met as I said goodbye.
As soon as I got home, I researched power animals and found this definition by Dr. Steven Farmer: “A power animal is just that an animal spirit guide that will empower you and help you deal with both the spiritual and earthly realm.” The deer power animal shows us a new innocence and freshness of life. We will feel the gentle lure of new adventures. There will be an opportunity to express gentle love that will open new doors for you. To top it all off, I also found that the deer is associated with my astrological sign and happens to be my animal totem.
We always receive what we need to heal, clear our fear, and see our divine truth. I’ve experienced miracles all my life but I’ve learned to notice them all around me not just the big “Aha” ones. For me, this quiet experience was a miracle of divine intervention.
The message in the miracle was to clear my fear and renew my trust in myself and my divine path.