Living in soul-hearted partnership creates a safe haven of unconditional love. When two people connect heart to heart and soul to soul, they radiate this energy through their hearts to themselves, each other, and out into the world. Like two professional dancers, alternately leading and supporting the other, each one brings such energy and connection so the dance flows gracefully and effortlessly. They are not dependent on each other for love, but together reflect this energy to each other and then out into the world. Such love compels them to become more kind and compassionate human beings.
An energetically safe haven of love is an environment in which we feel free to express ourselves, knowing that our hopes, dreams, and imperfections will not be judged or criticized, but accepted. Creating such an environment requires each person in the relationship to respect the other as an equal. Relationships work best in an atmosphere of equality, where there is no hierarchy, power differential, or need to take control on a regular basis.
In an unequal relationship, in which one person feels a need to dominate the other, both are more focused on being right or more powerful than on supporting each other’s well-being and spiritual growth. We see this dynamic at play when one person tells the other what to think, feel, or choose, and the other person becomes passively dependent on them for making decisions, deferring to them without knowing they are operating out of fear. An energetically safe haven of love supports a state of openheartedness in which both parties can expose not only their vulnerabilities, but also their authentic selves. Such soul-hearted relationships allow us to venture into deeper intimacy and feel acknowledged for who we truly are.
Creating a safe haven of love with another person also requires loving ourselves without qualification. When we operate out of self-love, we become our own safe haven, free to fully express who we are when interacting with friends, colleagues, and our partner. Feeling secure within ourselves and putting our heart “out there” in turn supports others to step into the space of vulnerability with us.
To do this, you start by acknowledging the other person with loving statements, such as “I love you” or “I’m here for you.” This sets the tone for creating loving sacred space where they feel accepted and safe. People are more likely to be open and vulnerable if you share your own vulnerability, listen well, and remain fully present.
For example, suppose your friend has been in an unhealthy relationship, and although you may feel that a change would be best, instead you listen, offer your point of view if asked, and instead of reacting, actively reinforce your friend’s ability to trust themselves and resolve the situation, without judgment or attachment to any outcome. In such interactions, you support your friend through holding the space of unconditional love while at the same time giving them the freedom and support to take in the information being presented to them and to make their own choices.
To sustain a safe haven of love, we must establish healthy energetic boundaries. All our relationships are energetic exchanges—opportunities to become a conduit for love energy. With healthy energetic boundaries in place, the flow of love is growth-promoting, first for ourselves and then for others. On the other hand, with unhealthy energetic boundaries in place, or none at all, we can easily exhaust ourselves of energy or inadvertently take on the toxic energies of others, outcomes that impede growth and damage relationships.
Listening to another person’s truth without judgment or criticism invites them to be transparent. To nurture an energetically safe haven, you can listen responsively, and accept and honor their experience. You need not, and cannot, always agree with them. After all, much as you may try to walk in another’s shoes, see what they see, or feel what they feel, you can never have another person’s experience. When you listen open-heartedly to someone without judgment, you simply witness what is true for them and, in the process, create a loving environment for healing.
In addition, you can accept and honor the experiences of others without taking them personally or trying to change them. Trust that others are following their own spiritual paths, no matter what it may look like at the time. Not knowing what they require for their personal growth, accept that they are co-creating life situations for their growth to happen, in the way that is best aligned with their soul’s path.
We all yearn for an energetically safe haven of love in which we can show up as we are. In such an environment, each person feels valued, respected, and celebrated enough to participate in the dance of human differences. It is in this space that we grow, love, and commune spiritually.