The more we forgive the past, the more we open our hearts in loving compassion. In forgiving anyone or anything, we dissolve the past and sever any negative energy to the person or process. Forgiveness allows us to let go of the emotional attachment we have and with the positive energy that returns to us, we create space in our heart to love.
This hit home for me recently when I was finally able to put my mother’s disappearance to rest. After finding a marriage certificate that placed my mother in Cleveland in 1968, my friend Michael and I continued the search for her with new information in hand. We tried exploring military records, but could only search so far because the facility where her records were kept had had a fire and her records were destroyed.
We also found that her mental health records at the psychiatric institution where she had been a patient had been sealed by the state of Pennsylvania when the facility closed. Sadly, both leads seemed like dead ends.
Instead of giving up on what seemed like a cold case, Michael started googling different spellings of my mother’s last names. Unexpectedly, he got a hit on a misspelling of my mother’s married name while with my father Skagal instead of Skacal. This led him to a link to a military cemetery at Ft. Collins, Colorado. Following up on this lead, Michael found a picture of a grave marker which bore the same first name and middle initial, birthdate, enlistment date, and military rank.
Michael immediately called me and invited me to his house excited, yet, skeptical about his discovery. When I looked at the print out of the grave marker, I knew it had to be her. All the information lined up and I had this strong intuition that we had found her. Yet, I felt mixed emotions when I first saw the death date of November 4, 1969 inscribed on the head stone. There was an immediate sadness that came over me like a door being slammed shut. I realized I would never see her again or be able to ask the questions that always haunted me. Most of all, I felt relief that the reason we hadn’t been reunited was because she had been dead all these years.
Anticipating what I already knew, I called the social security office to verify the information we had just discovered. As I explained my situation to the young female agent who answered the phone, she agreed to help me even though they aren’t supposed to give out such information. With each piece of information I
shared with her, she confirmed them all. This was definitely my mother.
What followed for me were tears of love instead of resentment, anger, or hurt. Feeling at peace, I knew that the work I had done to forgive her had freed me from any negative charge or disappointment. Thus, experiencing myself in a positive light, made it easier for me to love myself, allow love in, and feel spiritually connected. This brought me into a state of grace of accepting what was and forgiving what wasn’t. For the first time, I am complete with our relationship and the purpose it has served in my life.
Beautiful post on the power of forgiveness. Thank you for sharing, Debra.
Thank you Marianne Blessings and love
Debra , what a blessing is being able to forgive, it can set us free. Your story moved me, thank you for sharing so powerful xxoo
It does set us free and opens us to self-love and acceptance. Thank you Suzie blessings and love
This story is so moving Debra and such a testimonial to the power of forgiveness. I am glad you found your mother in your heart.
Thank you Rachel…forgiveness is a powerful tool for self-love and compassion Blessings and love
Another beautiful post Debra! Thank you for sharing yourself so authentically with the world. <3
Thank you Sheila for your kind and thoughtful comment. Blessings dear heart <3
I ache for what you went through during all of those years of not knowing. Our imaginations often run wild with all types of scenarios. Even though you didn’t get your answers, I’m glad you were able to forgive your mother and find a sense of closure.
I did and self-love and completion came with it…thank you Tae for your love and compassion. <3
Thank you for sharing this powerful post with us. Such simple, straightforward words for an enormous shift. Much love.
thank you Andrea for your thoughtful comment <3
Thank you for sharing this beautiful post Debra. Your story perfectly shows us how self-love is essential to forgiveness and to coming to completion with difficult life experiences. xo
Yes self-love and acceptance are key to forgiveness and completion. Thank you for helping me see this <3
Powerful and inspiring, Debra. Thannk you!
Thank you Laurie and much love and light to you
Knowing your story about you and your mother, I am so glad you found peace and forgiveness. And you found a place in your heart for her. <3
Yes you do know my story Peggy and I’m honored that I’ve been able to share it so someone else my have the courage to step into their vulnerability and heal. Thank you for your sweet being <3
the power of forgiveness… forgiveness opens the door for the room of light to step in … x
Thank you Cari this is beautiful <3
Oh, Debra, what a moving story! Our relationship with our mother is the most difficult one to process and release, I think, male or female, but for women, it goes even deeper through the generations of women in our families – all the pain, all the trauma, all the love – is increased exponentially in each woman and when there are hard things to work through with our mother’s, it’s really more about working through all the generations of mothers in our lineage. Blessings! <3
Thank you Kathleen for reading my blog and your insightful and supportive comment. Yes our relationship with our mothers is certainly one that can open us to personal healing and transformation. And yes the work is about uncovering generations of collective distress and loss so that the future of our lineage is more healthy. Resounding yes <3