“Compassionate people are boundaried people.” ~ Brene Brown
Become “unmessable with” by setting healthy energetic boundaries. With energetic boundaries in place, we can create healthy relationships that support our soul’s evolution as well as enhance our lives. On the other hand, with loose boundaries or none at all, we can easily exhaust ourselves of energy or inadvertently take on the toxic energies of others. This can impede your spiritual growth, undermine your health, and damage your relationships.
By setting energetic boundaries, you become a more loving, compassionate person. Such “love fences” allow you to compassionately engage with others, but still protect yourself from any unwanted energy. It is possible to be loving with another person while still holding them accountable. Not holding them accountable for their energy or choices actually impedes their personal and spiritual growth.
Establishing energetic boundaries with those closest to you is not always easy because you are more sensitive to the emotional pull they have on your heart. You may even want their happiness more than they want it for themselves. And, you can become so involved in trying to generate it for them that the effort takes a toll on you. At its best, the resulting energetic drain makes you vulnerable to compassion fatigue. At its worst, it can stress your heart, resulting in exhaustion, anxiety, or depression, and increased blood pressure or cardiac disease.
Being compassionate doesn’t mean you have to engage in the negative energy or process that someone is discharging. Zipping up your energetic suit keeps you from taking on their stuff, and instead support them from a place where you feel centered and empowered. You can still be compassionate but refuse to play a part in their drama.
To disengage from people who easily drain you, you need to become aware of what triggers your reactions and take time to energetically detox after the encounter. In these situations, such “energy bullies,” can push your emotional buttons and then use your reaction to bring power and energy to themselves.
Here are 3 ways to create healthy energetic boundaries:
Refrain from taking others’ reactions to heart: Remind yourself that the other person is going through their own process of self-discovery, which has nothing to do with you. Trust that they are on their own spiritual path, no matter what it looks like at the time. Not knowing what they need, accept that they are co-creating the life experiences they need to spiritually transform.
Recognize when you are vulnerable: Reacting to any person by getting upset or angry only entrenches you further in the unhealthy interaction. By becoming aware, you can notice the vulnerabilities that have hooked you into a toxic situation. The stronger your reaction is to a person or situation the more deep-seated your vulnerability may be. Release any strong negative feelings privately first through journaling, walking, or exercising. When you are ready to share anything that is toxic or negative, be considerate of your friend or partner by asking if it is a good time to vent, so they can prepare emotionally. Before you start ask your friend or partner to function more as a sounding board than an advisor. And vice versa when you are doing the listening.
Emotionally detox and restore your energies: Like a sponge, your sensitive energy field is porous and can soak up the energy from others. This often leads to compassion fatigue or empathy overload. It’s essential that you detox any negative energies you absorb. Honor your need for solitude. Take deep cleansing breaths, shower or bath, drink lots of water, and spend time in nature to clear your energy field. All of these will ground you and bring you back into energetic balance.
By setting clear boundaries, you love and value yourself by showing others how you wish to be treated. Then you can be response-able, “able to respond” even in the most challenging situations.