Diving into trust allows us to easily let go of everything that impedes the positive flow of energy in our lives. Our flow is interrupted when we have any expectation for a particular outcome. Expectations of ourselves, others, or any situation are our greatest obstacles to sustaining our flow. When we let go into trust, we consistently recognize and release any energy blocks that interrupts this flow and restores balance. This level of absolute trust is the greatest gift we can give ourselves.
While on a diving vacation in Roatan, Honduras, I realized the power of letting go into trust. Last June, I had completed my open water dive certification while on vacation. So, I was both excited and nervous as I prepared for my first dive experience post certification. As I jumped over the side of the boat and lowered into the water, two old patterns surfaced as I submerged myself under the sea-the need for control and to be perfect. Immediately, I felt irritated with myself as soon as I had difficulty with executing the diving skills I had just learned. With this came the negative thoughts, “How could you forget to clear your mask or breathe through the regulator?” and “Keep up with the group, you’re going to slow them down.” My unkind thoughts whipped me into a panic and as a result, I started to breathe rapidly using more air in my tank and became less fluid in the water. The more frustrated I became with myself the more frenetically I flailed my arms and legs, losing my buoyancy and balance. As a result, I began to drift too fast toward the surface or sink to the bottom. These strong reactions cued me that a vulnerable pattern was at work and I needed to lean into the experience and release it, Soon after, I felt tears welling up in my eyes. Who cries in their scuba mask?
Fortunately, I had cocreated an energetic support team to work through everything that was unraveling me. My dive buddy, my husband Doug, continued to stay close, make eye contact and signal me asking if I was all right. My divemaster, Adam also realized that I was struggling and stayed in close contact. Both of them showed me how to clear my mask and to use my BCD to establish buoyancy. With their support, I began to breathe more rhythmically-a challenge with a regulator in my mouth. Also, I shifted my negative thoughts to kind and supportive ones such as: “It’s OK, you’re new at this and nobody expects you to be perfect.” As I focused on the beauty that surrounded me, I felt a wave of peace come over me. My mask wasn’t fogging up with tears any longer.
Grateful for having finished the dive, I took off my gear and tears of release flowed down my face. As much as I wanted to run away, I knew that I needed to go on the next dive. It would be a positive culmination of all that I had just experienced. Knowing I was still vulnerable, I let go of all expectations for the next dive and affirmed my trust in myself and all I had created. My intent was to play, frolic and enjoy the experience that was right in front of me. I released my mind of all violent thoughts by repeating the mantra, “Play, enjoy and just be in the experience.” I was lighthearted and this expanded to the group and most of all my partner. When I started to experience difficulty, I opened my heart, took deep breaths through my regulator and let go into trust without berating myself. By focusing on the present experience of life around me, I keep my balance, my movements became more fluid and thus, became more serene. As I did less harm to myself, I did less harm to my fellow divers and the creatures around me.
Diving into trust gives us the freedom to see ourselves with our patterns, imperfections and flaws in a new light. Instead of feeling ashamed of them, we can embrace and release them thus,creating new space for loving and accepting ourselves.